Waiter: And what would you like to drink?
Me: I’ll just have water with lime, please.
Waiter: Uh… You mean lemon, right?
Me: No. Lime, please.
I get the weirdest looks from people when I say I want lime instead of lemon! Lemon just makes it taste like Mr. Clean to me. I don’t even know.
“Look at all the limes in this goddamn [drink]! This fucking thing is tropical. Look at the limes, how they float. That’s good news. Next time I’m on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I’ll be waterskiing, without life preserver, people will say “What the fuck?” And I pull out a lime. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus.” —Mitch Hedberg