Geek, Interrupted

Hey there, cats and kittens.

Don’t know if anyone’s still out there, but if you are, rest assured I’m still in here. :-)

You ever watch a really good magician perform an amazing, mind-boggling illusion that you can’t figure out for the life of you how it was done?

That’s how I feel watching ordinary people have conversations with strangers and acquaintances, and get stuff done without spending hours agonizing over how they look to others and fretting about doing and saying exactly the right things the right way.

It’s like magic. They do it so effortlessly that I know it’s got to be really simple, and yet it just looks impossible.

Social anxiety, you suck and I hate you.

lesoscreux:

Waiter: And what would you like to drink?

Me: I’ll just have water with lime, please.

Waiter: Uh… You mean lemon, right?

Me: No. Lime, please.

I get the weirdest looks from people when I say I want lime instead of lemon! Lemon just makes it taste like Mr. Clean to me. I don’t even know.

“Look at all the limes in this goddamn [drink]! This fucking thing is tropical. Look at the limes, how they float. That’s good news. Next time I’m on a boat and it capsizes, I will reach for a lime. I’ll be waterskiing, without life preserver, people will say “What the fuck?” And I pull out a lime. I’m saved by the buoyancy of citrus.” —Mitch Hedberg

I thought being employed once again would make things a lot easier a lot more quickly. But overdue bills keep popping up like creatures from the deep.

Thanks to running out of money, the bill for our AT&T account is now more than double what it was when they suspended it—from nearly $400 to nearly $1000. It’s boggling.

My first paycheck is due in a couple of days, and I was looking forward to beginning to pay off that AT&T bill to get our mobiles working again. Now I’m wondering if it will be cheaper and quicker just to move to a competitor. At this point, I’m sure they’d prefer that anyway.

Finally, some Meat Beat Manifesto. Couldn’t find the song I wanted via SoundCloud, so I had to go through Grooveshark. If you’re looking at this on your dashboard, you may have to click through below to reach the player widget. iPod/iPad/iTouch fans, sorry this is Flash, but Grooveshark gives me no choice.

I’m rediscovering the MBM in my collection. Ever hear them? They’re one of those bands that’s difficult to describe in terms of other bands. I think they are real trailblazers of the drum-and-bass and IDM genres, but even that description feels like unfairly pigeonholing them. I will have to find something SoundCloud-able by them.

It took me only three-and-a-half days at work to realize that the automatic soap dispensers in the restrooms are dispensing not soap, but waterless hand cleanser. No wonder it wasn’t lathering well under the faucet. Oops.

Please stop crashing.

Love, g.i.

The big boss, the boss of my supervisor, chatted me up in the break room today. I don’t think I impressed him the way I did my supervisor when he interviewed me.

I’m so afraid of being out of work again. I couldn’t handle it. I’d probably just off myself.

One thing I’ve learned today about working at a big company is that there’s lots and lots and lots of training. I think the extra “lots” come from being ISO-certified.

But I’m so glad I have a job again, finally—even though I had to sell plasma today so I can buy the gas to drive to work for the rest of the week. I just have to remind myself that crap like this will be over soon.

The new job starts tomorrow, so I’d better get to bed. I’m kind of scared—feeling that irrational kind of fear that only someone with depression would understand. “I’m going to screw something up.” “This is my first time meeting my manager; he’s not going to like me.” “They’re going to decide I’m a complete fraud and let me go.” And so on.

lesoscreux:

hiyatrich:

i know how annoying these posts are but I WANT TO FOLLOW ALL OF YOU

Dermatillomania.

I guess I do have the former, but I don’t feel like it’s a problem, otherwise I’d write about it. How do I know if it’s a problem? I know it’s an obsessive thing, but I’m not denuding large areas of skin or anything. I guess anyone seeing me do it would be creeped out, though.

I am somewhat obsessed with City of Wonder right now. But I think that’s a big improvement over being obsessed with Tiny Tower.

“Vidiviciveni” is my Play ID if you need an extra ally. (I need all I can get; such is the way with games like this.)

The only bad thing about the new job I’m starting on Monday is that my pay can’t come soon enough.

The pay period is a week. After the week ends, the paycheck gnomes get to work, and then I have to wait another week before I see my pay.

So since I start on Monday, July 25th, I won’t see any money until Friday, August 5th.

That’s quite a gap to bridge—especially when I’m still going to have to pay for transportation to work, and worse yet, we’re $78 behind on our electric bill and our power could be cut any time now. (Oy… there’s a whole other story behind that one… don’t have the energy to recount that now.)